Sain Comes Out Of the Closet
by Dictator Hiyasha
Summary: A parody of the womanizing knight finally revealing his terrible and dark secret!


"All right," Soloris, the army's tactician said as he tried to review the battle plans with his army as they prepared to fight off the enemy forces. "We are currently standing in the middle of nowhere, like always, and we just got ambushed, again. This is the eighth time this week, but whatever. My plan is this, we'll send the paladins, cavaliers, and knights on the front lines. I want all mages and clerics to back them up, and everyone else will be behind them to counter the enemy's reinforcements that mystically appear behind us. They always do. Oh, and I want all of you to talk randomly amongst yourselves during this battle to give this game a more in depth feel. Gods forbid we have a repeat of Shadow Dragon." He glanced up at his allies. "Does anyone have any questions or objections?"

"OBJECTION!!" Phoenix Wright screamed as he pointed an accusing finger at Soloris.

"You're not even from this series," Lyn said.

Defeated, Phoenix shuffled away. Everyone else turned their attention back to their tactician.

"I have something to say," Erk said. "I think your plan sucks."

"Yeah, well I think you suck," Soloris rebuked. "Stupid emo." He then turned to Eliwood.

"Eliwood, I want you to use Marcus as a meat shield. He's completely useless as anything else so I want you two useless characters to stand in the middle of the group where we can insure your protection. After all, its nearly impossible to keep you alive, and the game has to reset after you die, which is a load of bunk!"

"At least I try my best," Eliwood whimpered.

"And that's all we can ask of you, which does s*** for us."

"I think we should do this Leroy Jenkins style," Bartre said. "LEEEEEEEROOOOOYYYY JENKKKKKKKKII-" A giant rock was slammed against the fighter's head. The attacker was Raven.

"No! That joke is old and is only funny the first few times of hearing it," Raven growled angrily. He was only jealous cause he has no sense of humor and is always angsty because Ostia destroyed his home. Cry me a river, Raven.

"Anything else anyone wants to put in before we march to our doom?" The tactician asked.

"There's something I wanted to say, just in case I don't live for some reason," Sain said.

"You're a level fourteen paladin with a level A lance rank, and you _don't think _your going to live?" Lyn demanded.

"I said "for some reason." Anyway, this is important. I want you all to hear it."

No one really cared, but they still gathered around to hear what he had to say. Sain cleared his throat. He looked extremely nervous about whatever it was that he was about to announce.

"I'm gay," Sain said.

"That's great, Sain," Hector replied. "I'm quite happy right now, as well. Now lets go kill some generic soldiers."

"No, not that kind of gay," Sain shouted. "I mean…I prefer men."

"OBJECTION!!" Phoenix Wright screamed as he pointed an accusing finger at Sain. "I have evidence against that statement. You are a womanizing freak and you hit on ever girl you see."

"The lawyer/detective has a point," Soloris said. "I can't see you being a homosexual."

Sain sighed. "It was all a cover up. It was so no one else would suspect it."

Everyone stared at him for a few minutes before responding. The reaction was not what he had expected. Everybody started laughing uproariously.

"Sure you are," Kent chuckled, not believing him for a moment. "You're gay, and Eliwood's not a sucky fighter. All silliness aside, we really have to start this battle now."

"I'm not kidding!" Sain wailed. "I'm gay."

The laughter ceased when the army realized he was being serious. The only one to say anything more, was Soloris. "Join the club. We already have four other gay guys in this little freak show," he said as he pointed to Heath, who was being molested by Legault, and Lucius and Raven, who don't even bother trying to hide the fact that they can have an ending together.

"Lets just start this battle already," the tactician said exasperatedly.

"OBJECTION!!" Hector screamed. "You've wasted too many turns having this conversation and the enemy has surrounded us."

"What?"

The enemy soldiers charged forward and killed Eliwood with one hit, cause it doesn't take much to take that loser out. Game Over. You should have played Pokemon instead. It's not as unfair to you as having to keep Eliwood alive.


End file.
